Dear Blake,

I have been married to my husband for seven years. We are in our 60s. He refuses to make a will. He tells me what he “would” put in his will and asks me if I am OK with his wishes.

He has an adult child from his first marriage and would like to include her in the will. I’m fine with what he wants. This conversation has been going on for more than five years now, but he never acts on it. I am very hurt and frustrated.

The house is in his name, and my name isn’t even on his checking accounts. I resent him for this. There are times when I want to get a divorce because I feel if something should happen to him, I will have no security. I also think he is being selfish and unloving to me and his adult child to leave us in a situation where we would have to go through the probate process. Please help me to get through to him.

Signed, Phyllis
From, Eugene Oregon

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Dear Phyllis,

I’m not sure what your husband’s motive is for not resolving this simple issue. Whatever it is, I urge you to launch an immediate preemptive merciless attack. Here are some options I think you should consider. Tell your husband that you just won millions of dollars in the lottery and you feel the cash is exclusively yours. When he says it’s both of yours, greed alone should inspire him to make sure that everything he owns now has your name on it. Once that’s done, tell him you thought you won, but you found out you were off by one digit. Or, you can prompt him to address his will, by telling him that you are taking out a large insurance policy on yourself, and you want your past boyfriend to be the sole beneficiary because you admired the way he treated you, and you can’t seem to forget how romantic he was. Or maybe this idea. Tell his daughter that it would be in her best interest if she learned how to forge her father’s signature, or when he departs, you’ll make sure she gets nothing. Finally, you and his daughter should allege that he’s mentally unstable, and have him placed in the psych ward of a nursing home. And when he realizes that you two won’t have him released until he has signed a will that you drafted, he’ll yield to your demands. Once the paperwork is taken care of, honor your promise of helping him get released. But since you didn’t say “when” you’d get him out, inform him that his next dwelling place will either be in a casket or an urn. I hope this helps.

Blake