My husband and I have been together 15 years. We used to be inseparable. He was my best friend.
Ever since our daughter was born nine years ago, we rarely spend time together. Most of his free time is spent in the basement doing woodworking; I spend my time upstairs or outside. I don’t think he enjoys my company anymore.
I have told him this, and he says it’s not intentional, and he loves me more now than ever. But it feels to me like we are growing apart, and I am very lonely. Because my daughter is who I spend most of my time with, she is the one who suffers my moods when I’m sad and upset with him. What can we do to be friends again instead of just parents?
From Hinsdale, Illinois
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I think you are focusing on the wrong thing. If I were you, I would be concerned about what your husband is “secretly” building out of wood in the basement, because your safety might be in jeopardy. Here are some disturbing options you should consider. Your spouse might be gathering wood to burn the house down, collect the insurance money, and flee the country with his mistress, leaving you homeless, penniless, after he determined that you’re worthless. If you feel he doesn’t like you anymore, knowing that he’s getting more skilled with a power saw should have you nervous, and sleeping with one eye open. He might even be building a robot out of wood, and if it’s made out of oak, it can easily knock you silly. On the other hand, maybe he’s spending all that time downstairs, creating something that specially for you. He might want to make it perfect with craftsman-like details… just make sure that it’s not a customize casket with your initials on it. I hope this helps.