Dear Blake,

I have been married nine years. My husband doesn’t allow me to leave the house without him. He makes sure I don’t have a car or access to the one we have. He tells me he doesn’t mean anything by it, but if I try to take a walk alone, he is right on my heels.

If I go anywhere with my sister or a friend, I must wait until he is gone. If he gets home before I do, he’s sitting on the porch waiting for me. He is not physically abusive, but I feel like a prisoner. I have told him several times how it makes me feel, but he doesn’t seem to get it. I really need some advice.

Signed, Benita
From Helena, Montana

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So, your husband won’t give you any space? Then I would strongly urge that you to start doing things that will make him want to keep his distance. Here are some options I think you should entertain. Start eating beans at every meal, and refuse to take some Rolaids before you get in bed at night, no matter how much your husband begs you to. Or when you two walk together outside, start walking really fast and then slow down abruptly for no apparent reason. Mix up the two frequently to keep him confused, and do it so often that it gets him irritated and/or seasick. Or this idea. Sniff some pepper regularly, and sneeze on him without ever covering your mouth. Eventually he’s want to avoid your blast radius. Lastly, immediately begin making offensive gestures at drivers, particulars cars driven by large muscular men when your husband is driving. And if you have the opportunity, yell out the window, that your spouse would love the opportunity to bash their faces in. Eventually one of the men will follow your car, and yank your husband out through the window that some large man busted with his knuckles, when you stop at a stoplight. Your husband won’t be able to follow you anymore after that, because he’ll probably just want to stay at home and relax in his wheelchair… assuming that he’ll be able to get out of bed. I hope this helps.