Dear Blake,

I have a friend who feels a need to correct the behavior of others by writing letters. There are not too many businesses around town that haven’t received one of her letters and, no doubt, others in her circle of friends have, too.

After a misunderstanding for which I apologized, I received one of them. Because she lacks understanding or the ability to forgive, a vitriolic diatribe came my way. In her letter, she related past “unfortunate (in her opinion) ill behaviors on my part for which I should be ashamed.” Then she ended a friendship we had for many years without trying to mend the relationship. This is very hurtful for me, and I’m sure for others. How does one respond, if at all, to something like this?

Signed, Delta
From Twin Falls, Idaho

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Dear Delta,

It sounds like your former friend was critical of anybody and everybody. The only reasonable and fair thing to do, is turn the tables on her, and bring that witch to her knees! Here are some ideas. Because no one in town seems to like her, have the local chamber of commerce send a message out to all of the businesses not to serve her, including grocery stores and hospitals. Or, gather as many signatures as you can from the people that she “corrected”, and leave that list at her front door, along with some tar and feathers. Or this one. Spread a rumor that she is unhappy because she recently got dumped by Satan, after he stated that her negativity was a bad influence on him and his demon subordinates. And finally, maybe she is just sick of the people in this country. So try to persuade her into moving to South America, living in a remote primitive tribe. With a little luck, you’ll be permanently rid of her if she’s stupid enough to write one of her scathing letters to any of the local cannibals. I hope this helps.