Dear Blake,
I am a 30-year-old married woman. My job requires a lot of domestic travel, which I love. My parents continue to ask that I “check in” whenever I fly, and often text or call asking me where I am, even though I provide them my schedule.
I feel this indicates a lack of confidence that I can take care of myself. They frame it as “they love me” or “they care,” but, to me, it feels like a constant putdown. I know it doesn’t take long to respond, but every time I do I feel like a child. It’s not as though they are in a position to help me if something did go awry. I would be forced to handle it myself, regardless.
I have tried reasoning with them, but it hasn’t worked. Can you please help me explain to them what a normal adult-child relationship looks like, so we can stop arguing and I can feel like the capable woman I am?
Signed, Carla
From Boston, Massachusetts
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Dear Carla,
Having parents too involved in your life once you moved out, can be exasperating. What I think you should do when they call, is to say some things that will make them very reluctant to inquire about your whereabouts, along with scaring the life out of them. Ok, consider these. The next time they call, tell them you can only talk for a minute, because you just flagged down a car that’s a potential customer. Add to that, you should be able to call them back in an hour, because that’s all that your clients usually pay for. Or you could sound angry when they call, and tell them that you are about to pistol whip a bank manager that is refusing to open up a safe. Or maybe this idea. Constantly tell them that in the near future, you’re going to need them to bail you out of jail, and assure then that you never use any of the drugs that you sell to several crack houses, because they raise you right. And lastly, if you really want to get them thinking (and nervous), tell them that you have been seeing a psychiatrist lately, and he told you not to be around your parents, until you have renounced your admiration for Lizzie Borden. I hope this helps.
Blake