Dear Blake,

While I am excited for new opportunities in my life, I cannot shake the feeling I am losing something. I am always losing something, whether it be my phone, my keys or my wallet. Once I lost my retainers and had to pay $300 for new ones.

I have trouble keeping track of things. I’m afraid it will create serious problems when I begin a career and lose something, which could cost me my job. I’m also worried that I’ll inherit important items from my family and lose them. I’m nervous about being in charge of my own life when I can’t even keep track of the $5 in my pocket. I urgently need this bad habit to change. Is there anything that will help me?

Signed, Betty
From Wilmington, Delaware

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Dear Betty,

The bad news is, your memory issues is going to cause some serious problems for you in the future. The good news is, no matter what happens, you’ll quickly forget about it. Here are some likely situations in your future. If you get fired from your job for forgetting to do something important, your employer probably won’t pay you, simply because you won’t be able to recall accomplishing anything on the clock. Keep a checklist of everything you have to do each day, and hopefully you aren’t stupid enough to misplace that too. If you ever get married, don’t worry about losing your husband, because it’s just a matter of time before he leaves you due to your irritating habit. Finally, I hope you don’t lose your phone before you’re about to drive somewhere, because chances are you’ll forget where you’re going, where you live, and you’ll wind up wandering around town indefinitely. And months later, someone will probably notice your skeletal remains in your car, still clutching the steering wheel. I hope this helps.