Dear Blake,
I am a freshman in high school, and I just got heartbroken. This boy I liked played me, and I don’t know whether I should just accept the fact that he’s bad and move on or be sad and wait it out. I told him I’m not a Barbie doll he can pick up and play with when he’s bored, but I still like him. Do you have any advice for me?
Signed, Pamela
From Boston, Massachusetts
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Dear Pamela,
Since you are about 13 years old, you might be experiencing puppy love. You may not have heard the term “scorned lover”, so I’ll teach you early how to be vindictive, and these feminine tactics will be used regularly by you, once you grow up and out on your own. As an adult, you’d probably slash the tires of his car, but since he’s your age, use a steak knife on his ten speed or scooter. If you were an adult and worked with him, you can make all sorts of bogus accusations if he hurt your feelings, that can cause him to get fired, or worse, having protestors show up at his house. Or, you can spread rumors that he has a “grown up” disease, and that will keep other girls away from him. If you’re not sure what I mean, you’ll probably get taught about it in a health class before you’re a senior, or you’ll eventually learn about it firsthand if you do a lot of casual dating when you’re around 20. But sometimes, it’s best to get advice on how to deal with these issues from your own mother. If you ever see your father sleeping on the couch, or drinking hard liquor until he’s in a drunken stupor, or see him appearing to be emotionally disoriented while walking around the house babbling to himself, you’ll know that he was recently subjected to the vengeance of your mom. And to show how much she loves you, she’ll probably come up with some really good ideas on how to get that boy you like, expelled from school. I hope this helps.
Blake