Dear Blake
I’m looking for advice for handling a big move my wife and I are making. We live in Chicago and plan to move to West Virginia. We each came into our marriage with two kids. Hers are 25 and 20; mine are 22 and 20. We have worked hard during the 14 years we have been together, and we have decided that it’s now time for “us.”
Our girls, the 25- and 22-year-olds, seem to understand, but the boys are giving us a hard time. My wife is more susceptible to the “poor me” routines from the boys and seems to be wavering. We’ve left open the possibility of the boys coming with us, but they don’t want to live in “boring” West Virginia. My view is that the “boys” are no longer kids and can survive on their own.
I think we have set solid examples of how to live and work hard, and she and I deserve to do our thing at this time. Am I going about things the wrong way?
Signed, Frederick
From Chicago, Illinois
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Dear Frederick,
Congrats on your big move, and I hope you and your wife enjoy your new location. As far as your sons are concerned, when driving away, press the accelerator to the floor so you can happily watch those two sissies get smaller in your rearview mirror. Here is some other advice. Tell the girls to tell the boys to “man up”, and if the boys won’t, the girls should regularly encourage the boys to start wearing panties. If the boys are involved in gangs in Chicago, tell them that there isn’t much of that in West Virginia, other than hillbillies protecting their moonshine, or people acting out at barn dances. If the boys are currently in prison, tell them that you can put money on their books online from anywhere in the world. And lastly, if both of them are “momma’s boys” and are used to being catered to, find them an apartment they can share, pay the first couple of months rent, and give them a cookbook so they can either sink or swim. Also give them the address of local homeless shelters, and just in case they go there, gift each boy with a can of lice repellent. I hope this helps.
Blake