Dear Blake,

I’ve been Christian all my life. When I married my husband 22 years ago, he was too. We raised our kids in the same faith. Well, he has recently decided he will no longer practice Christianity. I never would have married someone outside my faith. How do I continue in this marriage?

Signed, Connie
From Rochester, New York

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Dear Connie,

More than likely, something triggered your husband’s decision to walk away from his faith. And I’m sure you are curious about why you are now living and sleeping with a misguided heretic. Here is how you can possibly get some answers. He should be reminded on how hot hell is, by you either serving him some foot that is hot enough to cook the roof of his mouth, or put tabasco sauce on every meal you prepare, including the coffee. On Christmas Day, destroy any gifts that were given to him to help him be consistent with his new decision, and you should also consider slamming the breakable gifts into the back of his head. Or, you can tell him to not to get offended if you start laughing at him on Judgement Day… when he starts trembling and  sweating bullets. And lastly, it’s possible that he is rejecting Christianity because he has been living a secret double life that may be inconsistent with biblical teachings. So, if you happen to see an unfamiliar nightgown in your house, either he has a mistress… or he’s wearing it himself. Either way, contact a mudslinging divorce attorney. I hope this helps.