Dear Blake,

My adult son “Josh” has moved into the home I share with my significant other, “Tom.” Josh is 30, and Tom is in his 60s. Josh has difficulty holding jobs and leaves in fits of anger if someone upsets him at work. This has put me in the middle. When he and Tom get angry at each other, they begin shouting.

I own the home we live in, so I could ask both to move out. I would also like to help my son find a job and housing so I can stop worrying about him being on his own with no place left to go. Josh is married. His wife lives with her parents nearby. Josh can’t stay there because he made hurtful comments to her mother.

I just want us all to get along. During their last fight, I threatened to run away and not tell Tom or Josh where I was. I’m on eggshells every day and don’t know what to do. Tom is on disability, and I’m still working. I am so frustrated I could scream. Can you help me?

Signed, Jennifer
From Topeka, Kansas

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Dear Jennifer,

It looks like you’re in between a rock and hard place, and you’re reluctant to take sides. So, the fairest thing to do, is to figure out a way to be permanently rid of both those losers. Here are some ideas. Try to get them to take out restraining orders against each other, and then tell them that neither one of them is welcome in your home, because you may get arrested for indirectly causing one of their potentially violent confrontations. Or, if you can give each of them a loaded gun, that might solve your problems. If one of them gets shot, testify against the survivor. With one of them in prison, and the other in a cemetery, your home will be drama-free. Or this idea. Buy them some brass knuckles and demand that they settle their differences like men. After the brawl is over and both men are hospitalized with major and minor injuries, move leaving no forwarding address. But if you want to keep it simple, try this last suggestion. Give them a list of rules they have to follow, warning them that if there are any violations by either man, you will throw both of them out. And if neither of them breaks the rules, throw them out anyway, alleging that their good behavior proves that they are secretly plotting… against you. I hope this helps.

Blake