Dear Blake,
I recently received a board game as a present. The problem is that I don’t like the game. I live alone on disability with a very limited income and don’t have anyone to play it with me anyway.
When I mentioned to the giver that I was thinking of returning it, they almost burst into tears. The giver is a relative of a close friend and lives with her. I really could use the money. What should I do?
Signed, Melvin
From Maywood, Illinois
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Dear Melvin,
First of all, the person who burst into tears is obviously mentally unstable, so they don’t deserve your consideration or compassion. You didn’t state what kind of board game it is, so I have to speculate on how to explain your decision to the loser that gifted it to you. If it’s a “Monopoly” game, tell them that you gave it away because it encourages greed. And add that you gave it to a homeless person so they could enjoy the illusion of handling lots of phony money, even though no doubt some of them will think it’s real . If it’s a chess game, tell them that you’re uncomfortable with the queen having as much power as Jezebel in the bible, because it makes you feel like you’re aligning yourself with Satan. If it was “Scrabble”, tell your friend that because of the local public schools, you know of very few people that can spell or read. Hopefully they gave you “Operation”. You can use that one in a big way. Just tell them that you love that game, because you have been having nightly fantasies on how to harvest their organs, and the game is giving you all the practice that you think you’ll need. I hope this helps.
Blake