Dear Blake,

I am the activities director at a nursing/rehabilitation home in Montana. My residents and I want you to know how much we enjoy your column. We read it every day and discuss what kind of advice we would give to your letter writers. Your column is a highlight of our afternoons.

We would also like to remind your readers that there are plenty of homes like ours, filled with people like us. We would appreciate and benefit from being acknowledged by our communities, not just during holidays, but all year long. These homes are full of your grandparents, parents and other family members and friends. Our community has always been loving and supportive toward us. We hope homes in other locations are as fortunate as we are.

Thank you for your column. We look forward to more!

Signed, Nursing Home Resident
Somewhere in Montana

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Dear Montana Nursing Home Residents,

I am happy to see you are enjoying my advice column. I’m happier to know that the fumes from the buffalo manure out there, has not destroyed or damaged your brain cells. I’m assuming all the men in the fossil museum where you people reside, regularly reflect on their cattle rustling days, and the women often reminisce about their youth when they were saloon hopping. I never personally interact with any of the readers of my column, but I have heard that the ones who have followed my advice to the letter, were either eventually involuntarily placed in a long-term mental health facility, solitary confinement in a super-max prison, or in a local morgue. If you people were looking for gratitude for being fans, I hope this helps.