Dear Blake,

My daughter’s boyfriend recently moved into our home for eight days. He’s 50; we are in our 60s. He regarded “help yourself” to mean it was OK to drink our liquor from early afternoon to bedtime. How can we have some control over this situation without causing a scene?

Signed, Faye
From Billings, Montana

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Dear Faye,

It doesn’t sound like that worthless loser is leaving anytime soon. But you can do somethings that’ll make him be happier living at a tent city rather than with you. Here are some ideas. Tell that drunken bum he needs get a job. And to ensure that he doesn’t get behind the wheel of a car, his employer must be close by so he can stagger to and from work. Or, have AA meetings at your house and tell all of the young members in front of your daughter’s boyfriend, that if they don’t stop drinking, they’ll end up like him. If he’s raiding your refrigerator and pantry too, start buying only can goods, and remove all the labels so he doesn’t know what the contents are. And make sure knows while sober, that half of the cans are dog food, so he’ll know that he is taking an awful chance when he gets hungry while intoxicated. And lastly, this suggestion. Inform him that while he was loaded on the previous night, he signed a document (forge his signature) promising to give you one of his kidneys to help out with household expenses. And then approach him with a deranged expression on your face staring at his chest, while carrying a Tupperware container plus two very sharp butcher knives. I hope this helps.