Dear Blake,

I don’t think I’ve read about this problem before, and I can’t find help on the internet. I have been married for many years and have had this problem from the beginning. Every time I touch or snuggle up next to my husband, he starts sweating profusely. It starts within just a second or two. It’s not just his torso, but even his arms and legs, or any place my skin touches his.

This is a huge turn-off because it’s like snuggling up to a slimy animal. This has affected our sex life our entire marriage. Wearing pajamas is obviously out of the question for him because he runs hot. Has anybody ever written to you about this particular problem?

Signed, Lily
From Henderson, Nevada

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Dear Lily,

I have never heard of a problem like yours. But I came up with a few reasons why your husband perspires like that, any they are pretty bizarre even by my standards. Anyway, here are some possibilities. He could be feeling guilty about something, and this is a biological way of telling that he is doing something despicable that’s too embarrassing to talk about. Or, He might be subconsciously trying to relay to you that he wants a backyard pool. When lays down at night, does he keep a floaty or a beachball near the bed? If he has a wandering eye, he might be fantasizing about having an affair with a mermaid. If he recently saw that famous Disney film, he might be a pedophile too. And lastly, whatever the reason is for his physical reaction, feel lucky that “sweating bullets” is just a cliché. Because if it wasn’t, he’d be on trial, and your funeral would undoubtedly be a closed casket. I hope this helps.