I’ve been married to my husband for 21 years. I learned only a few days ago that he has a 9-year-old daughter from an affair he had. I never knew he’d been unfaithful. I’m disgusted about what he did. Now he wants his daughter to move in with us! I don’t hate her, but I’m not crazy about children.
Also, I’m the only one in the household who is employed. He doesn’t even try to find a job, and I’m treated like this live-in housekeeper, cleaning up his messes, etc. He refuses to help with housework. If the kid moves in, I’ll be cleaning up after two people, plus trying to cope with anxiety and depression due to past trauma.
I can only take so much. He keeps harassing me about having her stay, and he says that if I don’t accept her, I don’t accept him. I’m ready to ask him to leave, but what should I really do?
From St. George, Utah
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I feel sorry for you, for the hurt your husband has subjected you to. The only thing you can really do, is make his life so miserable, that he wishes he stayed with his sleezy mistress a decade ago. Here are some ideas. As soon as his daughter arrives, turn her against him by telling her that she’s the third “surprise” child in the past year, and her father sold the other two to foreign sweat shops. Or, you can tell her that your father is the founder of new group for men, that is extremely pro-domestic violence. Or maybe this idea. Leave your home and secretly get your own place. And maybe once the power gets turned off and homeless people start moving into what appears to be an abandoned home, he’ll reassess his lack of priorities. And this final suggestion. Make enough food for you and kiddie portions for your new daughter. If that lazy bum still refuses to get a job and he also eats her food, call the police and accuse your husband of conspiring to starve his daughter to death. But on the positive side, he’ll get three meals a day in prison, unless he has an obese cellmate, that is willing to kill for an extra biscuit. I hope this helps.