BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – Two of Congresswoman Maxine Waters’ staff abruptly quit, stating that she had created a very uncomfortable work environment. According to the two former employees, shortly after Waters would arrive at work, she would put on a red cape, place a set of horns on her head, and place a pitchfork next to her laptop computer. The congresswoman responded at a press conference stating that her choice of attire is per her discretion, and it’s also constitutionally protected.