BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – After U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder repeatedly gave vague and evasive answers to the House Judiciary Committee regarding the “Fast and Furious” scandal, his personal physician stated that he will testify that he has the early stages of Alzheimer’s. The unnamed doctor stated that he is willing to swear, that for the most part Holder only knows that he is the head of the Department of Justice, and that under no circumstances, is he to prosecute any crimes that will jeopardize President Obama’s chance for re-election.