BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – Because of the rising medical costs and the deteriorating Social Security system, Congress has determined that the primary problem is, that people are simply living too long. With bipartisan support, in the upcoming weeks they will introduce a bill that will mandate expiration dates on birth certificates. If passed, affective on January 1st of 2015 it will be a felony for anyone who knowingly and intentionally remain alive after their 72nd birthday, and the penalty for this violation should be obvious. The bill also states that the only people that will be immune from this new law, will be Congress, their immediate family, and all members of special interest groups that regularly contribute to their re-election campaigns.