BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – White House executive chef Bill Yosses announces that he is resigning effective immediately. He said he has loved his position that he has held since 2007. But Yosses explained that he is calling it quits because he feels that he has run out of ideas for delicious sedative laced meals that he is regularly ordered by President Obama to create specifically for Vice President Joe Biden during banquets, to reduce the chances of him saying something stupid when important heads of state come to town.