BREAKING NEWS – Detroit, Michigan – Detroit officials are fuming after two visiting United Nations lawyers scolded the city for cutting off water to delinquent customers and described the shut-offs as a “human rights” violation. The response follows a three-day visit to Detroit — which desperately is trying to bail itself out of bankruptcy — from two representatives with the U.N. Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights. “It is contrary to human rights to disconnect water from people who simply do not have the means to pay their bills,” Catarina de Albuquerque, one of the two representatives, said Monday at the conclusion of their visit. She further stated that companies like T-Mobile, AT&T, and Sprint are illegally collecting money for their services, because the Fourth Amendment provides for “free” speech.