BREAKING NEWS – Birmingham, Alabama – The morning after Birmingham’s coldest night of winter thus far, Bernie Sanders commented on the temporary closure of the Boutwell Auditorium which is used as a warming station for the city’s homeless when temperatures drop abnormally. “Shivering in the freezing cold is good for these people because it conditions them to go out and vote regardless of the weather”, explained the senator from Vermont. “Also, I am happy to say that seasoned panhandlers tested my socialist policies last night, and rightfully demanded donations from my supporters as they exited building.”