BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – The White House is now confirming that President Obama will probably not attend the funeral for the late Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia. He released a written statement which read in part, “Even though I genuinely desire to attend Scalia’s funeral, I have about four other funerals I have to attend over the weekend around the globe. The deceased are CIA operatives that were killed by foreign governments due to Hillary Clinton’s private server/emails getting hacked, which in turn exposed top secret information regarding some of our most important and covert employees.”
