BREAKING NEWS – Rio de Janeiro, Brazil – Police in Rio de Janeiro have recommended that U.S. Olympic swimmers Ryan Lochte and James Feigen face charges of falsely reporting a crime, a civil police spokesperson said. The recommendation follows assertions by Brazil’s police that Lochte, Feigen and two other U.S. swimmers who said they were held up at gunpoint in Rio were not robbed. One or more of the U.S. Olympic swimmers vandalized a bathroom at a gas station after the four left a party early Sunday, according to Rio’s Civil Police Chief Fernando Veloso. Lochte who is now back in America, stated at a press conference, “I told both Jack Conger and Gunnar Bentz that we had to immediately get out of Brazil, but they took their time packing and wound up getting arrested. Now those slowpokes may end up going to prison in Brazil. But because both of these procrastinating saps are my close friends and great athletes, I sincerely hope they will be paroled in the next four years so they can have the opportunity to compete in the 2020 Olympics.”