BREAKING NEWS – Honolulu, Hawaii – Two American Samoan businessmen have filed complaints with the U.S. Department of Transportation against Hawaiian Airlines, alleging they may have been the target of discrimination after being weighed while boarding a recent flight from Honolulu. In the complaints, the men also say they were assigned new seats on the aircraft that they did not originally select, to ensure that the weight on the flight was evenly distributed. A spokesperson for Hawaiian Airlines stated that their policy is not discriminatory, but instead aerodynamics and geology. “If we allowed the portly passengers to sit anywhere they wanted, we might end up flying sideways”, they explained. “Also, because of their girth, when we land with the additional ‘tons’, they are pushing Honolulu farther into the ground. And we have estimated that if five or more ‘large people’ were on each plane that lands here, the island would be completely submerged within six months.”
