BREAKING NEWS – Atlanta, Georgia – Democrat Stacey Abrams said early Wednesday morning that she’s not conceding the Georgia governor’s race despite Republican candidate Brian Kemp’s lead. She began with a cheerful positive tone but it quickly turned bitter. “Across our state, folks are opening up the dreams of voters in absentee ballots, and we believe our chance for a stronger Georgia is just within reach.” She scanned her cheering supporters and then her expression changed, reflecting anger. “I am not conceding anything to any white man! This is not the mid 1800s! Why should I concede, simply because he got more votes? Votes are numbers/Roman numerals. And the Romans crucified Jesus… and uh, so uh, as a… uh Christian, I feel that numbers are, uh anti-Semitic.” She paused as her supporters looked confused. “This is all Oprah’s fault! When she went door to door with me, she was suppose to encourage people to vote for me. But instead, she was constantly promoting one of her upcoming movies that will probably flop! And if I lose this race, I will sue her for fraud, unless she promises to pay off my federal taxes and my maxed out credit cards!”
