BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – Democratic National Committee chairman Tom Perez complained about voters being influenced by the “pulpit on Sunday” during an event in the nation’s capital. “I’m not a Christian and I don’t know the bible that well,but I’ll say this, Perez began. “The republicans have their biblical Jesus, so I’ll be the democrat’s Jesus. I’ll perform miracles in order to get our message out. I will try to heal everyone through Medicaid. Jesus fed a few thousand people, but I’ll feed millions with food stamps. I’ll even to talk to alcoholic voters at their AA meeting, and if necessary I’ll even turn water into winos… or something like that.”
