BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – The Food & Drug Administration deemed it necessary to warn Americans against consuming the glitter that abounds during the Christmas season. While the FDA did not address its message to any one demographic, there are clues that it could be especially concerned about millennials, who have proved prone to internet-related self-harm. Dr. Scott Gottlieb Commissioner of Food and Drugs issued a similar warning to millennials last year during the holiday season, by telling them that if their Christmas tree lights aren’t coming on, do not run an electrical test by licking the outlet.
