BREAKING NEWS – College Park, Maryland – Hillary Clinton surprised an 8-year-old girl with a letter, after the elementary school student lost an election for class president to a boy by a single vote. Martha Kennedy Morales, a third-grader at a private school lost to a “popular” fourth-grade boy. “As I know too well, it’s not easy when you stand up and put yourself in contention for a role that’s only been sought by boys,” Clinton wrote in a consoling letter obtained by the Post. “Your last name being ‘Morales’ and also being a girl, clearly shows me that you were a victim of sexism and racism. You should demand an investigation alleging voting irregularities, and if you don’t get the conclusion that you want, accuse the investigators of being behind a vast right wing conspiracy. I have already compiled a list of at least 27 reasons why you lost, and none of them points the finger at you. The most important thing I want you to remember is, never take responsibility for anything, because your failures are never your fault.”