BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – Presidential candidate Bill de Blasio is now complaining about him polling dead last in the 20 that will make the final debate cut. “The way I am viewed is totally unfair,” he began. “People assume that because I am really disliked in my city, means it will translate nationally, and I don’t think it will. My buffoonery is local, not federal. Just because I ran New York City into the ground, doesn’t mean I would do the same thing to this country. There are three branches of government, so obviously there will be a limit to my stupidity. And even if I were to destroy this country, let’s be honest, nothing lasts forever. Currently, I have sent out an exploratory committee so we can figure out why I am polling at the bottom.”
