BREAKING NEWS – Rome, Italy – Pope Francis I allowed nuns and priests to kiss his papal ring during his weekly audience in St. Peter’s Square, after a video showing him pulling his hand away from several faithful drew criticism. Some conservative critics of the pope feel Francis is abandoning church doctrine and tradition, and seized on him jerking his hand away from Catholics seeking to kiss his ring as what they believe is evidence of him shunning age-old traditions. The Pope later explained that him pulling his hand away had nothing to do with traditions, but it was because he was informed that people attending the service on that day were vampires. He recently imposed a ban on all visitors to the the Vatican, that are Catholics from Transylvania.