BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – Democrat presidential candidate Bernie Sanders has announced that he will cut staffers’ hours so that they can effectively be paid a $15-an-hour minimum wage, prompting mockery from critics who say the move is more evidence that Sanders’ plan to raise the national minimum wage is hypocritical and would only lead to less work and more unemployment. “I am hurt and angry, that my employees publicly embarrassed me like this,” Sanders said at a rally. “The ones that will continue to work for me will pay a heavy price for my public humiliation. I have already contacted the Labor Department to find out what is the maximum amount I can turn up the heat in the offices where my whining staffers work, before it is officially a sweat shop. And for the future, so I won’t have any staffers demanding a ‘living’ wage, I will only hire zombies!”
