BREAKING NEWS – San Francisco, California – A pig that has publicly admitted that he ate Santa Claus’ snacks, is now in hiding out of fear for its life. It is now under federal witness protection after the FBI announced that they have credible evidence that St. Nick put a contract out on the sow. So far, several elves have been arrested that were covertly following the pig, and at the time of their apprehension, they were carrying a shotgun and a barbecue grill.
