BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – Former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg suspended his presidential campaign after a disappointing Super Tuesday performance. He spent nearly a billion dollars from his own fortune on his 2020 bid. The decision comes after the Democratic candidate won only the American Samoa caucuses on Super Tuesday which is a U.S. territory 6000 miles away from the mainland in the middle of the ocean. There are suspicions on how Bloomberg won in the American Samoa, because the day before the voting, everyone on the island was “anonymously” given a new car, a boat, and stock options.