BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – Bernie Sanders has suspended his Democratic presidential campaign — all but handing the nomination to former Vice President Joe Biden. According to a brief campaign statement, He announced the decision during an all-staff conference call Wednesday. Here are an excerpt from that call.
“I know a lot of you are disappointed, but I think we made a difference,” he began. “If Joe Biden wins in November and gets reelected in 2024, he has promised to endorse me in 2028 when I run again after I turn 86. At that point I am sure I will be grumpier and twice as bitter. I also think in 2028, more people will be open to communism. Currently, about 100 million people are staying home and will soon be getting checks from the federal government. Hopefully in 2028 they will remember the enjoyment they got for getting something for nothing, and want it permanently. And I will be there to transition this new government, and hopefully by then, the billionaires would have died off, instead of me feeling compelled to introduce a bill to have them all immediately executed.”
