BREAKING NEWS – Oakland, California – Since the Oakland Zoo closed in mid-March, they’ve laid off 110 part-time employees — almost two-thirds of the zoo’s entire workforce. Zookeepers and veterinary staff had their pay cut by 20%, executives had theirs cut by 40%.
They also said that they plan on having a new exhibit in the near future that they feel will draw large crowds, specifically Charles Darwin’s “missing link”. The Oakland Zoo is now excepting applications from extremely ugly people with “ape-like” features, that does not mind sitting in a cage or a large open pen for 16 hours per day, with raggedy mouthed hobos, bums, and town drunks, getting preferential treatment. And to enhance that the person on display is a missing link with very little intelligence, the person cannot use a cell phone in front of the viewing crowds, but instead they have to use a landline.