BREAKING NEWS – Los Angeles, California – The Los Angeles County Department of Public Health admitted during a Board of Supervisor’s meeting, that there is no hard scientific evidence linking the recent COVID-19 surge to back up their move to shut down outdoor dining.

Instead of specific data, the health official cited a CDC study that targeted 11 different outpatient healthcare facilities in 10 states as the “best information we have.” The study found that those patients with COVID-19 were twice as likely to have dined out at a restaurant.

“People are not looking that the big picture,” explained the L.A. County Department of Public Health. “Whether people are eating indoors or outdoors, the issue is, COVID-19 has made Californians fatter from staying home so much and not exercising, and who wants to see these oversize citizens while trying to enjoy a meal? If we don’t do something now, this beautiful state will be full of people like all those millions of butterballs in Mississippi.”