BREAKING NEWS – Chicago, Illinois – Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot is ordering teachers to return to the classroom amid an ongoing dispute between Chicago Public Schools and the Chicago Teacher’s Union.

“All teachers, pre-K through eight and cluster teachers must report,” Lightfoot said in a press conference Sunday evening. “If you don’t have an approved accommodation, we expect to see you back in class. Those who do not report to work…we will have to take action. Let’s avoid that. So far, the only thing the Chicago Teacher’s Union and I agree on, is that nearly all of the students in this city are pretty stupid, and delays aren’t going to make any real difference in their warped under developed comatose brains.”