BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – U.S. Sen. Joe Manchin, D-W.Va., responded to criticism from U.S. Sen. Bernie Sanders, I-Vt., derisively declaring that he wasn’t going to take marching orders from a socialist.

“Congress should proceed with caution on any additional spending and I will not vote for a reckless expansion of government programs,” Manchin wrote in a statement. “No op-ed from a self-declared Independent socialist is going to change that.”

Sanders fired back in a second op-ed. “That’s right, I am a socialist, aspiring to be a communist,” Sanders wrote. “And once I am there, I will have your home and property confiscated. And if that point you still don’t change your political views, since I can’t send you to Siberia, you will be sent to northern Alaska. And you will remain there until I contact Joseph Stalin through a séance, as I seek advice on how to deal with dissension.”