BREAKING NEWS – Providence, Rhode Island – After implementing a coronavirus mandate for health care workers this fall, Rhode Island has now opened an option for COVID-positive health care workers to continue working if their facility is facing a staffing crisis.

“Also, facility administrators should be using their clinical judgment in making staffing decisions. For example, a facility may opt for a COVID-19 positive worker to only care for COVID-19 positive patients,” said Joseph Wendelken, a spokesperson from the department of health. “We’re also letting mentally unstable workers care exclusively for patients that are complete nuts, visually impaired workers will only care for blind patients, and patients that has an STD will be cared for by our staffers that has reputations of being gigolos and sluts.”