BREAKING NEWS – Chicago, Illinois – The Chicago Teachers Union, the third-largest school district in the nation, defied the city’s order for school children to return to in-person learning this week, earning them a new round of bipartisan scorn from those who argue remote learning has done far more harm than good throughout the COVID-19 pandemic.

Kids had been prepared to go back to the classroom this week following winter break. But in a Tuesday vote, 73% of the Chicago Teachers Union said they wanted to return to remote classes until the current spike in Covid cases “substantially subsides.” Other health concerns by the teachers are the amount of hernias they’ve gotten, caused by them carrying out of their classrooms daily, armloads of confiscated guns from the students.