BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is now leading the charge to shut down all of the comedy clubs nationwide.

“We are in trying times, and these guys are making people laugh? How insensitive!” she began. “I am going to try to get a law passed that can put the clubs out of business, so the performers can no longer publicly display their humor, and are forced to only talk about serious subjects. My goal is to ‘defun’ the comedians.”