BREAKING NEWS – Chicago, Illinois – Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot is in Europe touting her city’s “thriving economy” as major companies announce they are leaving the area amid skyrocketing crime.

“Chicago’s economy is thriving and our business sector has set records, keeping us competitive with top global financial cities,” Lightfoot said in a press release highlighting her trip to London and Paris this week. “The biggest booms in business are U-Hauls heading out of town, bulletproof vests, and airlines catering to frustrated people in Chicago, demanding one-way tickets to anywhere.