BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – The Department of Education has proposed a new Title IX rule that demands that colleges treat students in line with their gender identity, not their biological sex. That means that people who identify as women would live with people who identify as women, and people who identify as men would live with people who identify as men.

Biden’s Title IX rule could mean your daughter’s college roommate will be a man, and any student who dared object to living with someone of the opposite sex could be slapped with a Title IX complaint as well.

“This makes sense to me,” Biden said at a press conference. “And if I was a young man about to start college, I know which one I’d identify as. Those would be the sweetest four years of my life, if you know what I mean.”