BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg focused on racial disparities in construction during the National Association of Counties Conference, claiming that construction sites are not employing local workers in minority communities and outsourcing to White people.

“Isn’t appointing you as Transportation Secretary, not allowing a minority to have that job, instead of you?” someone from the audience asked him.

“No, that wouldn’t apply to me,” Buttigieg answered. “I’m in a protected group because I am gay, and I resemble both Alfred E. Neuman and Howdy Doody. Thus, most blacks and Hispanics rely solely on their race, whereas I’m triple protected… or something like that.”