BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – The Biden administration announced its latest home appliance regulations week, targeting air conditioners in an action it said would reduce the nation’s carbon emissions. The regulations, unveiled by the Department of Energy (DOE), finalize energy efficiency standards for home window air conditioners.

“We are not going to completely outlaw them across the country,” Biden said during a brief press conference while refusing to take any questions. “They will still be legal in northern Alaska, and Native Americans on reservations in other states can use them on windows in teepees.”