BREAKING NEWS – Chicago, Illinois – While in her last few days in office, Mayor Lori Lightfoot said one of her biggest failures was not abolishing cops in her city.

“We really don’t need them,” she explained. “When I look at their badges, they make me sick. And I still hold them responsible for referring to groups of blacks as ‘gangs’, which I also felt was very derogatory. Whereas, I referred to these exact same people in a more respectful tone, when I called them ‘violent community organizers.’”