BREAKING NEWS – Yangon, Myanmar – Secretary of State Hillary Clinton apologized profusely for her actions that created an international incident. After arriving in Myanmar, Clinton greeted democratic leader Aung San Suu Kyi, and opened her mouth abnormally wide in a python-like fashion, and literally began swallowing the slender politician. Fortunately quick thinking security was able to yank Kyi out when she was only halfway down. The Secretary of State later explained that she was a little delirious from the long flight, and she always loved Asian food.