BREAKING NEWS – Philadelphia, Pennsylvania – Poverty-stricken families living in Kensington, unable to flee the crime-ridden open-air drug market, are forced to find ways to hide their children from the neighborhood’s in-your-face horrors, while businesses devise tricks to keep addicts and their oozing flesh wounds off their stoops, according to a recovering addict who managed to flee the community.

“The businesses don’t last long. When they are put in the community, the community tends to tear them down,” said Frank Rodriguez a business owner himself. “It’s not a place for anything to thrive.”

New York Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez weighed in on the problem. “The business owners in Philadelphia are a bunch of wimps,” she began in a tweet. “They are afraid of oozing flesh wounds from drug addicts, yet they will watch zombie movies that have actors in them with the exact same appearance. What a bunch of hypocrites.”