BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – President Biden’s alcohol czar says Americans may be told by officials to have no more than two beers a week.

Director of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) George Koob told the Daily Mail that the U.S. may follow Canada’s footsteps on alcohol guidelines.

“Obviously, the alcohol limit just applies to republicans”, explained Koob. “However, we will continue allowing wet bars in democrats offices in the House and Senate, with no restrictions on their cocaine lines either, thanks to our supplier Hunter Biden.”