BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – The Pentagon announced the launch of a new website with the All-domain Anomaly Resolution Office (AARO), which will provide the public with declassified information about UFOs, or what the government calls unidentified anomalous phenomena (UAPs).

Pentagon spokesman Brig. Gen. Patrick Ryder said at a press briefing that the new website will provide the public with information including videos and photos associated with resolved UAP cases as they are declassified and approved for public release.

According to an unnamed source at the Pentagon, the decision was prompted by a recently well documented report, that a UFO landed on the southside of Chicago, and within an hour, two of the aliens were brutally beaten up, one was robbed at gunpoint, and the fourth one was intimidated into joining a local gang.